My First Bible Study!

Well, I've joined my first Bible Study with a great group of ladies that I'm looking forward to getting to know even better. After over a year of being invited, I finally felt that I could actually focus on a bible study. So... here we go.

If you've read my "finding church" posts, you know that this is a difficult area for me. That being said, I want to learn and find for myself.

Week 1 (last week) -- I was able to stay at bible study for 15 minutes. It was an insane evening of schedules. I persevered and was glad to make it. As I began my homework for the week I was completely overwhelmed.

• What am I doing?
• I don't belong here?
• I don't even know what they are talking about/referencing/
• You want me to pray?
• My bible... it's burried on my shelf... haven't opened it since college.
• I should quit... this isn't me.
• I can't do this?
• I didn't even know that was the name of a book in the bible?

The thoughts and panicked swarmed. I finally decided that I would get "something" out of this bible study. It may not be an epiphany, but I will learn. As I was driving one afternoon, I realized that it felt as though I was reading a foreign language. And then I had even more compassion for my daughter... who is struggling with learning to read. I see her frustration and I feel for her... it's a foreign language to her.

Week 2 -- Group
Cautiously I told the group about my feelings of feeling overwhelmed and I shared my feelings of it being like reading a foreign language. The women were great and even agreed that it felt difficult to them as well. I felt better. I will keep plugging along.

The quote I pulled out of the dvd and that I will hold onto is this...

Are you looking for religion or a relationship [with God]?

The answer for me was so clear... I'm looking for a relationship.

Finding Church :: Magic Muffins

We headed to church without Baby Girl. She chose to not get ready (after being told many times). So, hoping for 'natural consequences' the boys' and I were on our way to enjoy Magic Muffins. They really aren't magic, yet maybe they are as my boys' head to church with delight. Once a month this church has Mini Muffin Cafe... it's a full breakfast peeps and it's delish! I mean if I can go to church and not have to feed anyone; it's done for me... I'd be crazy not to go. I digress... my husband asked, as I was getting ready, if it was a magic muffin day... I thought it was hysterical, laughed and said, no, but it is mini muffin cafe... would you like to join us... someday was his reply. Which works for me.

As I thought about Joe's word snaffoo, I can't tell you how many times I've chuckled over it. Maybe there is something to the muffin cafe, a piece of magic to keep you coming back. It certain allows me to meet people in a non-threatening manner. It has allowed my children, especially my oldest, who was not so crazy about this whole 'church gig', to find comfort in the physical space of the building. He enjoys the ladies who teach sunday school (although, we had to have a talk about throwing his papers away in front of the lades... a little tacky my dear).

This particular Sunday there was a guest group... SpiriTed... have you heard of them? They are a duo... one a screenwriter/music guy from Hollywood/Nashville and the other a musician from Nashville. Incredible... on their off time they travel to churches and perform their show. I really enjoyed it, but I'm a sucker for music... he had a great voice and she was amazing on the oboe and wind instrument. He writes a daily blog... which I haven't read yet... you're on your own for that discovery. His ending message was basically to do good, be good and share what you have been given... simple right? How many times have a I heard that message... so many times. But the piece that was interesting is that you don't have to see someone and tangibly give them something, but live your life so that people may take from you your smile, your encouragement, your thoughts, your sincerity, etc. At least, this is how I'want to use his message to add to my life...

Finding Church :: this is an interesting journey... some of my friends look at me with eyes wide open and tell me to go for them as well, some of my friends have surpassed where I am so long ago, that they don't get what I'm looking for or wanting, some of my friends are just not sure what to do with me and some of my friends support me, but get nervous in supporting me. A journey for sure, for all involved.

Finding Church ::

Easter Sunday... even many non-church goers find time to attend church on Easter and Christmas. Because of our prior commitments (an incredible brunch with long-time friends... which I don't want to change), we were unable to attend church. Okay... I could have gone to the 6:30 Sunrise service, but I chose not to.

Guess what... something was missing yesterday. I missed what I'd found over the last three weeks. It just didn't feel the same. What does that mean? Am I maturing, growing, finding a place that really fits or I don't know. I just know that if felt like I'd forgotten something.

So now I'm in an interesting place this week... a lot of thinking, seeking and waiting for my next opportunity.

Finding Church, again :: 4

I hadn't been to church for three Sunday's in a row in a very long time, but that's exactly what I did. I had a little moment when I checked the box that said "3rd time attending"... especially when I looked at the next box that says "regular attender"... hmmm.

The kids were up and ready to roll... all three of them. I was a little, okay very surprised that my oldest, Pepe was so ready, so willing and wanting. He talked about the 'new' church all week and asked several times if he could invite a friend. (We did end up having a friend come who had been thinking of checking out this particular church for quite some time.... kids were very happy, especially the boys' as now they had their 'friends' with them.)

This particular Sunday was deemed "Mini Muffin Cafe"... you got it, they were going to feed us. And not just muffins, there was entire menu... Pepe was VERY excited about it. We left and hour early, just so that we could fill our tummies before service. It was very nice, the ladies were helpful and caring.

Breakfast ... check
Potty break ... check
Drop kids off in kid church ... check
Enter worship... check
Nervous factor... IN check.... WHAT? Could I be comfortable all ready? I actually managed a smile, I think. I felt like I belonged.... and then I looked up... HOW could they do this to me? They moved the piano and the front pews. I looked at Frugal Franny with that look... why did they move everything on me. In only a way that she can... she calmed me down (insert... she told me to get a grip... maybe not in those exact words, but it was what I needed to hear).

I knew that the service would be different today, it's Palm Sunday, and I was right. We had our palms and we waved them as the choir sang (which is why the piano and pews had been moved, duh). Then, in paraded all of the children... my children included, waving their palms. I smiled... only one of my kids, Phineous, looked like he need to run.

The service continued with a choir contata... LOTS of singing. I was okay with it. Music and I get along. I relax with music, music helps me to learn so I felt good and the choir was nice to listen to.

Then... it happened... the PITTING OUT! It was time for communion. I know that communion is a gift, a remembrance, but it has always stressed me out! And I know why it stresses me out. For 18 years, I sat in my seat as each Sunday the bread and water was passed out to the congregation... I never got up, never walked down and isle, to the front and was put on display. That's how I feel about communion... people are going to watch me... see me... I will no longer be invisible. Even as I write these words, it seems very silly to me, especially since I don't watch other people (okay I really do as I'm a people watcher, but not to be mean, but in interest), I guess I'm saying that I don't watch people to critisize how they take communion. In fact, this would be only the second time I'd actually taken communion and the other time was just in December.

So, as I sat there panicking, literally sweating, palms drenched I finally told myself to 'get a grip'. It was communion... it is a gift... use it to remember. I just kept repeating 'this is a gift, this is a gift, this is a gift' (I wonder if anyone heard me?). I got through it... I don't even think that anyone paid attention to me. I was finally safe, back at my seat and my breathing became normal, the PITTING OUT ended and I may have even smiled to myself... I did it.

The best part was after church, my frugal franny friend just smiled at me and said softly, "you even made it through communion." Was I that obvious? Maybe to her as she is my friend. I'm so glad that I have someone willing to walk down this road with me.

As we were making our annual plans for Easter Sunday, Pepe piped in... What about church? Will we miss it? My answer had a sad tone to it and I realized that yes, we would miss church. What is it about this church? Maybe it is the comfort found with my family. I'm even thinking about getting up really early to attend Sunrise service. We'll see what happens.

As for now, I go about my week, using my quiet time to find myself and reflect about all of the lessons I am learning. Go figure.

Finding Church, again :: 3

Guess what arrived via mail?




When Joanne previewed her book on her blog I immediately raised my hand to preview it. If you've read my post 1 and post 2, you know that finding a church has been on my mind. With finding a church brings inviting God into my daily life. I'm not sure that I am completely comfortable with that thought... it's not really a comfort factor, but rather a HOW factor. What do I do? I'm not going to walk around with my hands in the air in praise. If you do that, great, but it's not for me. I devoured the introduction and moved on to chapter 1 which I also devoured. Do you do that... read something so fast because you are afraid it will go away or you won't get to finish. I guess I really needed ideas and comfort, because I'm racing through it. It will have to be reread, many times I'm sure. People that know me must be thinking, "what?"... not really my style... but I say, I'm definitely in a time of search.

One of Joanne's ideas to invite God into your life is through praise music. I enjoy praise music and usually listen to it in the car. (I'm really a country girl, but sometimes the kids just shouldn't be singing along to the lyrics... you know what I mean?) I'm using my ipod to listen to Songs for Worship... they are upbeat and keeping me moving this morning. She gave an example of walking her dog, Daisy and listening to music and enjoying her surroundings. Strangely enough, I took time yesterday to walk Jeep. It was peaceful. I live in a beautiful place with views of the mountains, so we headed to the campus to take it all in; excpet I found myself staring at the concrete ground and my feet. When I read this in her book this morning

Psalm 121:1-2... lift up my eyes to the hills"

I chuckled... why do I stare at my feet and that matter my dog's behind when I can simply lift my eyes and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me. I'll work on that. This is an interesting adventure; one that I am not all too comfortable with... yet.

Kuddos to Joanne... I'm enjoying and appreciating your book this morning.

Finding Church, again :: 2

Week 2 at church. Are you impressed? Today I ventured back to the same church (UM) with all three children in tow. Pepe, was less than thrilled. I had to pull the 'MOM CARD'... I am the mom, you are 8 years old... get dressed, you are coming with me. I was feeling a bit guilty, but I got over it quickly. The boys tried to bring their basketball cards... nice try... leave them in the car.

We arrived and slowly got out of the car. Oh no, I don't see my friend. Deep breathe. I can do this. No sooner had I thought that when I heard the sound of my friends voice. Saved. It's pitiful, I know.

Into the little white church we go. Drop kids off and explain to nice lady in charge that the boys would like to stay together. At least while they are getting used to things. I back off and watch her try to ask them if they'd like to go with the younger group of older group.... no response. They are not talking to her. I can't watch a second longer. I head back over and tell the boys that it is okay to talk to the nice lady in charge. They decided to go with the older kids... a good choice, I think. Baby Girl is with her friend, holding hands and ready for church.

We leave and head to worship as we crack a few jokes about PITTING OUT and I silently hope for the best. Enter building, shake hands with the Pastor, get a program, find my seat. Ah, I made it. Music begins... it's different this week. No Praise Team, but a delightful young man on guitar singing (he has the back up guitar, drums and piano with him... just to make me know that I am in an upbeat place)... friend leans over and has coined this young man the rock-star... I like... very nice and then, yes, we are standing again. This time for 5, yes... you read right, 5 songs. I decided to wear heals... my legs were cramping. I did, however, enjoy the music.

I am again impressed with the Pastor. He even made me laugh. I was even more impressed when a man interrupted him to share his testimony. He was a man the Pastor had helped off the street. It was not the appropriate time for this man to share, but the Pastor gave him the floor and again, I was impressed. I even filled out the "friend" card... you know the one you are afraid to fill out because WHAT IF THEY THEN THINK THEY CAN CONTACT ME card. I did it though... I'm getting so mature.

Service is over. Find the kids. Baby girl has had a great time and is already trying to run the show. That's my girl. Find boys... they are smiling, throwing a paper airplane and they turn without being prompted and say thank you. WHAT??!?!??!?! I'm impressed.

The conversation on the way home in the car is pleasant and typical. Church in the little-white-church is boring... don't remember what 'the guy' (Pastor) said. But it was fun to fly airplanes and next week is Palm Sunday (impressed again... they got that much) and we can have muffins (ah, ha... they'll be back next week for mini-muffin-cafe... a true perk of this church). AND... they are having an Easter Egg hunt... with candy. Yahoo! Well, I guess they are sold on the food... I'll take it, for now.

Originally, I had planned on taking time to check out many churches. However, now that I've been twice and I've seen my kids happy and I know how much I have to stand and sing I think that I'm okay with it. There are several pros at this point...

• Nice Pastor who can speak
• A comfortable setting
• Close to home
• Mini-muffin cafe
• Great music
• Love the little white church for the kids
• Friendly people
• Programs in place for the children
• I didn't PIT OUT today

See... that is quite a nice list for two weeks of attendance. Now, I've asked hubby to check it out. He isn't a weekly church attender and that is okay. I've known that for 15 years. It is important to me that he has a chance to see and hear and I value his opinion.

Until next week...

Finding Church, again :: 1

I've been on adventure lately to find a church. For 6 years I've been attending a church off and on, but couldn't commit. After a recent upheaval, I became very aware that it isn't the right place for me.

• Where to look, where to go?
  
• Do I go for me or for the kids?
  
• Do I force the kids or let them come if they'd like?

I'd been invited by a new friend (I think we are long-lost buddies) to attend her church. After several months of excuses (I have a cold, my kids have colds, my dog has a cold, etc) it was time to take the plunge.

We went last week, Baby Girl and I. I dropped her off in little kid church and with my friend by my side, went in to worship.

Now, let me give a little background. I was raised Mormon. I quit attending that church when I was 18 and left home. Beginning college, dating, living on my own gave me perspective; the Mormon church wasn't for me. I met my now-husband, and he was raised Catholic. He wasn't attending a church and hadn't for quite some time. I was going to college at a Lutheran school. We got engaged and were married by my Lutheran religion professor. Take a minute and sort all of that out. When my oldest, Pepe, began preschool we attended a Presbyterian church off and on. Now, I'm checking out this new church which is United Methodist...

I sit down in worship and I begin to panic... my kiddo is in kid-church so I have no excuse to get up and leave... no potty breaks, drinks of water, etc. I have to take this like a big-girl. First things first, time to sing. Great... love the music... WHAT? I have to stand. Okay... I can do this, I'll just hold on to this pew in front of me. Whew... that's over. WHAT? we have to keep standing and singing... for three more songs. Ah, done. I can now become one with my seat. Oh, no... not yet, we are standing again!

About this time, whether or not my friend can sense it she is whispering to me and showing me items in the bulletin as I am PITTING OUT! I mean full-on, sweating, heart beating, pulse racing PIT OUT. Feeling the need to bolt, the Pastor stands and begins his sermon. I'm begin to calm down. I'm impressed with what I see. He is dressed in a very nice suit. He is in his mid 50's I assume and his voice is firm, but calming. He stand in front of the pulpit, wearing a microphone. He moves slowly and gracefully across the steps all the while speaking and reciting his sermon. I notice he has no notes. His sermon is delivered and I am impressed. I don't know that I'm so impressed with the sermon as how he managed to give it. I'm a teacher. I appreciate someone with a plan that is executable. He taught, redirected, reaffirmed and never wavered or became off topic. Hmmm, maybe this isn't so bad. And then, we sing... again. Don't get me wrong, I love music. I love to sing. But I grew up singing from a hymnal... no guitar, drums and clapping. Just sitting with a song at the beginning, middle and end of the service. I enjoy this music, I'm just don't do well with change.

Worship is over... I collect Baby Girl and I race home. On my short drive, my breathing becomes normal, and I realize that I am smiling. I enjoyed the service. Baby Girl hasn't stopped talking about her class. Her excitement is contagious. We will return... maybe with the boys in tow next time.